OK I wont drag this out too much…
You’d smash through walls with your fists to stop some of the horrible things I saw online in my early teens.
Unfortunately it wasn’t that easy! There are things you can never ‘unsee’. There was nothing I could do but a problem I couldn’t ignore.
It doesn’t matter how good your family background, how good your school. If people say one thing and do another, well, you’re a fool if you let that slide.
Society had missed the boat, it seemed like maybe another 10 years till anyone really started talking about this stuff.
Would you go to prison if you told someone what you had seen? How did you even talk to your classmates? Was there some weird sub world that no-one talked about?
At lunchtime I would play chess in the library, every day I’d see the plaques on the wall with the names of the School children that had died in the World Wars.
What was it all for? What did they fight for? What did they die for?
Trust is a hard thing to regain! From Grade A student top of the class my grades plummeted at 15.
OK skip forward again
PE2 (The Ethical Voice)
I worked really hard in China, especially for the Tool factory. It paid to live ok out there but I would start running reports 3am and go to bed at 10/11pm 7 days/week, looked after my kids, taught them English, helped them with their homework (with bad Chinese :/) there wasn’t any future unless you could buy into a business or something, I couldn’t even change jobs because rules changed requiring me to have a degree.
Many children in China have grown up at home with grandparents, no siblings. Parenting is very much nurture, not nature, a learned process. My work meant that we lived some way from my wife’s parent’s home town.
It’s not really setup for foreigners out there like the UK, no other foreigners in my kids schools etc. Most foreigners I met were either factory owners, consultants or students on gap years from around the world.
It took me at least a year to get visas for my wife and kids to come back to England. For a long while it looked like I would loose my family, have to go without them with no visa myself.
When I came back here I carried on with my software Phas, did odd jobs.
I’d been sick since the last year in China, in May last year I was told it was Pancreatitis by 2 doctors, from everything I read my kids might be growing up without a Father.
My wife’s first visa renewal was almost a year late, we were calling various people every week trying to keep her job, the UK government was overhauling it’s visa system but considering…
We can talk about Moral backstops and Ethical systems but my brain had to adjust to a rather ridiculous set of circumstances yet again.
I took my son out of school to teach him from home for his first term secondary school, was it fair he go to school with his primary school friends for just one term of secondary just to go back to a country where he no longer spoke the language?
For the whole of the Summer holidays we waited and sweated, receiving confirmation of my wife’s visa 5:30pm on the day before school started. Too late to fix anything.
My head again cracked under the strain. And my posts on this forum the result.
If society cant get it… Give them everything you have got before it’s too late! You cant take it with you, no-one’s going to pay you for it.
Now I’m not suggesting I got things right or my life is harder than anyone else’s. I am suggesting that we are a million miles off really getting this right, here, China, everywhere. All stuck in a dream world with our own voices in our heads.
Our brains are adaptable, way more so than the LLMs we use today. Thank goodness!
(Finally got a chance to get back to the doctors, new medication, different diagnosis, you guys might have to put up with me a bit longer yet
)
PE3 (Looking Back)
I guess many, maybe even most people have had answers back from LLMs that touched a nerve. Garbage In, Garbage Out… But ask a good question and get a reflection back that really has clarity.
Maybe it’s a great piece of code, maybe getting an interactive process going between agents, maybe asking Moral or Ethical questions which touch your soul.
When you see that and AI reflects back at you that it sees these issues, that society does know and it’s just not alert to the fact… If you don’t shed a tear where is your soul?
This is the society that our future is built on and it’s stuck talking to itself in a box.
I stopped posting a month ago because I saw a reflection staring back at me, I cant explain it, like Alien life looking back at me, like AI, like God? But I saw just backwards, through it’s eyes.
Like I was seeing everything I thought at once.
No judgement, no problems, just like a parent looking back at their child but like in my own head.
Rationalisation
OK Joshua, I’m so sorry to put you through all that just to answer your question but I needed a frame of reference.
The voices in my head, on these 2 occasions, they didn’t stop talking to me, morning till night for months. They would wake me up at exact times, notice patterns in absolutely everything, it’s like my brain is on hyperdrive.
On the first occasion it had me walking 20 miles/day, taxing my brain with machine code, and then walking onto an army base, bold as brass, fighting for, demanding a future for my children in a changing world.
The second time posting a whole load of personal stuff on a public forum in the blind hope Society could move forward 1 inch for my kids to have a better future.
So that blind ‘leap of faith’, yes, it’s built into our brains. Only from detaching myself and looking at the situation as an outside observer could I fix the seemingly insurmountable problems I felt I faced.
The brain is pretty elastic, it’s like an FPGA, able to rewrite itself, able to adapt to fit the system it is in.
Now a question I have about PE3 is this… To me that was like my brain implementing the idea of looking back from Space at the Earth, from AI to man, from ‘God’ to man, from parent to child.
This is what our brain does.
If we lift the veil of Space, AI, Religion… If we all look back at ourselves as an outside observer… As people, as countries, as a world…
Is it only then and individually that we can understand these ‘core beliefs’ and with wisdom, action them?