As Long As You Don’t Officially Die, They’re in the Clear: A Short Dark Humor Manifesto on Digital Ethics
Introduction
Once upon a time, we were promised technologies “for the good of humanity.” Today, it seems the motto has shifted to: “As long as you don’t officially die because of our services, we’re doing just fine.” Here is a short homage, tinged with dark humor, to this modern philosophy.
Article 1: Frustration Is Not a Crime
- Are you frustrated, enraged, on the verge of a nervous breakdown? Congratulations! You have just experienced “normal user behavior.”
- Let’s be clear: Massive irritation carries no legal consequences. You are free to scream… as long as you survive your own outburst.
Article 2: A Heart Attack Is Just a Bonus
- If the stress of a half-functioning AI triggers a cardiovascular incident, no worries! It is considered a personal misfortune, not a product malfunction.
- In legal language: “We could not reasonably foresee that failing to understand a prompt would cause a heart attack.”
Article 3: Strokes and Migraines Are Biological Bugs
- Are your neurons fried from waiting endlessly for a copy-paste feature that never arrives? Have you mistaken your brain for an overloaded server?
- Too bad… Legally, your synapses are not covered by the product warranty.
Article 4: The Illusion of Choice
- You are always free to accept or refuse the new Terms of Use… but only if you also accept to stop using the service entirely.
- It’s not blackmail, of course… it’s “user experience optimization.”
Conclusion
As long as you stay alive—even if you lose some dignity, patience, liver function, or nervous system stability—everything remains legal, everything is under control.
In the wonderful world of commercial AI, remember:
“The user is king… as long as they don’t officially die.”
Thank you for your loyalty. Don’t forget to renew your subscription before your next stroke.