Feature Proposal: Opt-In AI Matchmaking Based on Conversational Compatibility
I would love to see an optional matchmaking feature built around something AI is uniquely positioned to do: understand compatibility through conversation rather than primarily through profiles, photos, and swiping.
Traditional dating apps require people to summarize themselves through a handful of prompts, interests, and pictures. That works for some people, but it can be particularly bad for people who dislike dating apps, bars, singles events, or approaching strangers. Ironically, two people who would be extremely compatible may have very little chance of ever meeting because neither of them enjoys the environments designed for meeting potential partners.
The idea
Users could voluntarily opt into an AI-assisted matchmaking pool.
Instead of creating another conventional dating profile, the matchmaking system could learn what a person is actually looking for through natural conversation. It could consider things such as:
- Relationship goals
- Communication style
- Sense of humor
- Social needs and desired amount of alone time
- Lifestyle compatibility
- Interests
- Conflict and communication preferences
- Family/children preferences
- Important values and explicitly stated dealbreakers
- Traits a user consistently seems to enjoy or dislike in other people
The system could also ask direct questions when important compatibility information is missing rather than silently making assumptions.
The goal wouldn’t be to find two identical people. It would be to identify people who are compatible where compatibility matters and whose differences are unlikely to create major conflicts.
Privacy and consent should be fundamental
I would not want ChatGPT silently analyzing private conversations and recommending users to one another.
Participation should be completely voluntary. Users should explicitly choose what information can be considered for matchmaking and what information may eventually be shared.
If the system identifies two potentially compatible users, neither person should initially receive identifying information about the other.
Instead, each could privately receive something like:
“I found someone you may be compatible with based on the preferences you’ve chosen to share. Would you be interested in an introduction?”
Only if both people independently agree would an introduction occur.
Either person should be able to decline without the other person being notified that they personally rejected them.
Users should also be able to leave the matchmaking pool or change what information is considered at any time.
Why conversational AI could be unusually good at this
People are not always good at describing themselves on dating profiles.
Someone might write that they are “spontaneous and adventurous” because that sounds appealing while their actual preferred Saturday is grocery shopping, getting takeout, working on a hobby, and spending the rest of the evening at home.
Natural conversation can reveal nuances that a checkbox questionnaire cannot.
It may also allow the system to learn from feedback that conventional swipe-based systems struggle to capture:
“They’re attractive, but talking to them exhausted me.”
or:
“They aren’t normally the kind of person I would choose from a profile, but I couldn’t stop talking to them.”
That information could improve future matching without reducing compatibility to physical attraction or a simplistic score.
Who this could help
This could be especially valuable for introverts, homebodies, people with small social circles, and people who simply dislike conventional dating culture.
The current advice for these people is often “put yourself out there,” but the people they would be most compatible with may also be sitting at home wondering where they are supposed to meet anyone.
AI could potentially solve that discovery problem without requiring people to turn finding a partner into a second job.
This would need substantial safeguards around privacy, consent, safety, discrimination, manipulation, and misuse. But if those issues could be addressed, I think conversational AI could offer something fundamentally different from another swipe-based dating app.
It wouldn’t need to choose someone’s partner.
It would simply introduce two people who otherwise might never have had a reason or opportunity to meet.
Working title:
HERMIT — Dating for people who would rather not be dating.